


The labyrinth of thought

by tearsofrain



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: How Do I Tag, My First Fanfic, No beta we die like archival assistants, Original Character(s), Original Statement (The Magnus Archives), Statement Fic (The Magnus Archives)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-09
Updated: 2020-11-09
Packaged: 2021-03-09 10:28:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27469516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tearsofrain/pseuds/tearsofrain
Summary: You get lost in your brain/And you lose touch with all the things that made you feel sane-----Reflections upon isolation and insanity.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 3





	The labyrinth of thought

Jamie had never been afraid of being alone. No, she relished the thought of being perfectly on her own. There was always a difference of being alone she had always thought, and being lonely. She had never explained why she loved being alone to another person because she had always thought that they would never understand her. Never understand the instant relief that she felt when there was no one to look through judgmental eyes, never understand the serenity that she could feel when there was no one to interrupt her thoughts or exchange polite remarks with, always feeling the pressure of failure and ridicule, always feeling like she was lesser. 

No, it was much better alone, she had thought, where there were no snide remarks, no other people to second guess or puzzle over. 

So, even without meaning to, she drove them away, with her silence and invisibility. Even those she thought she was closest too drifted away. She told herself she was better that way, there was no one to hurt her, no one to hurt, nothing to twist her mind into impossible shapes, bending with each new social etiquette, each interaction, each new personality she crafted for individual people that said they knew her. But she still hurt, looking at messages no one would read, and the silence grew between every conversation.  
She told herself no one would miss her, no one would care. But however much she craved that silence, that isolation, she still had to go out, still had to talk. No matter how much she hated them, she had to please them, she craved their pleasure. And then her brain would pound itself into shards of glass, breaking each time she smiled awkwardly, each time she said the wrong thing, or stumbled over unfamiliar words, anything. 

Then those lonely reflections would turn into battles within herself, fighting a war that would tear her apart. Thoughts flung like spears, a reminder that while words were just that, there some words that she could not run from. The hunter and the hunted within one person, an insanity that she could not run from. Her mind, her last refuge, when everything was falling apart, she could climb into the dark crevices of her mind, until shattered fragments of thoughts cut her as she lied to herself about the pain. Every thought bent her brain a little more, until it was full of spikes and sharp edges. 

Her solitude in her thoughts was a drug and she was an addict. One hundred thousand lies that she used like a scalpel, cutting and removing her mind, a palace collapsing on itself, Jamie became a creature of solitude, of silence and of madness.   
They say there is power in the mind. A blistering heat that can destroy and build worlds.  
There is enough power to destroy your own world.  
Your own mind.  
You.

**Author's Note:**

> uhhhh this is my first fic, and idk something in me resonated with the fear soup and now I have this. message me @ Iz#9312 on discord if you have feelings about the latest episode of magnus, comments and kudos are for me what statements are for the archivist, I literally wrote this in half an hour and haven't got the energy to read it more than once. Thank you so much for reading and I hope you have a really good day (or night if you're up at three o'clock reading this instead of sleeping) Hello John apologies for the deception  
> oh and the lyrics were from 'ship in a bottle'


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